Pssst, future Fátima. Here, look at this.
First of all, I get you, I totally get you. You’re fed up with life, you go to bed crying and wanting everything to stop. You loathe not being the badass HBIC you were back in 2012, you loathe your very existence and you can’t forgive yourself at all. You have a self-destructive behaviour, you are way too emotional to be true and you hate not being able to show all the love you have in fear to be rejected as the clingy brat you really are. You fear everyone because many have taken advantage of you. You’re too bitter sometimes and you’ve even harm yourself in the past and recent past. You believe you deserve nothing and that you won’t ever meet your parents and society’s expectations. You aren’t as smart as some people believe and finally, you’re just a spoiled girl who doesn’t have a clue of anything. To make it worst, there are mean people out there who talk shit about you and laugh at every damn step you take. AND TO TOP THAT, YOU HAVE TO WRITE A THESIS AND GRADUATE FROM FUCKING UNIVERSITY.
Yeah, it isn’t easy for a Fátima nowadays. I know that, been there. But as you know all of this, there are many things you should know too. Or fucking acknowledge at least.
That it’s been nearly 22 years walking and breathing. And crying, lots of crying, but lots of smiles and happiness too. You are a woman, not a girl anymore and you’re okay with that, you’re okay with growing up. You can’t forgive yourself yet, you have to deal with anxiety and anger management, but you’re way better than many years ago. When you were 12 you screamed at your mother you wanted to be dead, when you were 13 you wouldn’t even get to sleep because of anxiety. When you were 14 people asked you why were you gloomy and sadly it was your only expression. At 15 you just knew how to hate and at 16 you didn’t know what was to feel alive. You covered all of that with pretty smiles and kept struggling your way to live, but you actually made it.
You’re studying something you love with all your heart, you’re proud of your career. Your smiles are genuines, you smile a lot because you feel like it. Your closet has something else than black LOL and you wear pretty flower patterns because you love to dress up like the damn princess you are. You’re starting to make tiny changes on the things you despise the most about yourself and it’s a nice start. You will never meet everyone’s expectations, but guess what? Last time I checked, you met many of your own expectations. You know how to not let people take advantage of you and you’ve realized how fucking awesome you are. Best thing? You learned to not be dependant on anyfuckingone. You will never be as perfect as you crave to be, but you’re a decent and intelligent human being, so stfu and suck it up. And the haters? Dude, you’ve got such a good life and you’re against everything 24 hours 7 days a week, of course they would be jealous of someone who used to be like them and then fought against herself. And started to win.
No, you don’t deserve ‘anything’. You just deserve the best, nothing less.
And these little pictures? Just look at how many damn people support you. You never asked them to love you, they just decided to do so. And you’ve fought and stopped talking to with at least half of them LOL but they are still here and giving you their love. So there must be a damn good reason for them to stay, right? That’s why you should GET YOUR DAMN PRIORITIES IN ORDER AND REMEMBER HOW GRATEFUL YOU SHOULD BE. You’ll probably never stop being the spoiled girl you are and throw some tantrums from time to time, but there are many who will smack you and then hug you anyway. They support you and that’s enough, you know? There’s a lot of love in here anyway.
And it’s amazing because they love you as you fucking are.
Oh, and you know these pictures aren’t even a corner of the whole painting. You know how many more people have been supporting you all the way long, but aren’t featured here.
With love, and the love of so many others,